What She Wants To Hear

We run a risk when we blur the lines between our men and our music. Sometimes love festers and spoils, and the collateral damage isn't so much to our hearts or our precious time but to whatever music got dragged into the mess with us. What came first, the scene or the soundtrack? Thank God you have more music; as useful as it can be in sparking love or lust, it's even more capable of totally obliterating bad memories.

Then sometimes the risk pays off: When I first met the man who's now my husband, we were teenagers. At about the same time we found ourselves falling in love with each other, we were also falling in love with music—music that we still share, albums that still transport us back to our earliest days together: Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, Neil Young's Harvest, the White Stripes's White Blood Cells. These beloved albums are now some of my all-time favorites; I can no more imagine my life without them than I can imagine my life without my husband. Do I love them because I love him? Do I love him because I love them? The answer to both questions, of course, is yes.


1. KNOW YOUR LIMITS

Take it from a pro who knows: "If you can barely play guitar, don't try to tackle a Hendrix song. If you can barely sing, don't try to be Sinatra," says country singer Easton Corbin, whose album All Over the Road hit shelves in September. Keep it simple—and show some confidence, regardless of your vocal abilities. "Most women just want you to own the moment that you have created for them," says Corbin.

2. BUT MAYBE LEARN GUITAR

Mastery of an instrument can imply mastery elsewhere, says Moushumi Ghose, M.A., M.F.T., a sex therapist based in Los Angeles. "Women really crave someone who is fearless and who can maneuver through the world," she says. Your obvious choice: guitar. "The acoustic guitar evokes a lot of emotion," Ghose says. "It's a stripped-down instrument—there's not a lot of frills." Nearly half the women surveyed said it's the sexiest instrument (followed by piano at 26 percent).

3. STOP WORRYING

Our survey reveals that it really doesn't matter whether you sound like Jason Mraz or Tom Waits. What's important is that you don't make the performance too intense. Likewise, Corbin says, "Don't choose a song that's too serious. Go with one that reinforces your feelings for her, without being a cliched wedding song." Ghose concurs: "Be truly genuine and honest about what you're singing. That's what can make a connection happen."

4. CHOOSE YOUR SETTING CAREFULLY

Spare her the bedroom serenade. What Corbin suggests: Build a backyard campfire after dinner one night and fire up your vocal cords then. That way it feels less like an awkward musician-audience scene, and she won't feel pressure to nod or sing along as she listens. And don't freak if the lyrics suddenly escape you: "Just hum the tune. It'll still go over well with your girl," Corbin says. Romance covers all flaws.

5. HAVE HER JOIN IN

A 2009 study in BMC Neuroscience shows that when people played music together, their brain waves synced up. "There's tremendous intimacy in making music together, and making music is very physical," says Meghan Hinman, M.A., M.T.-B.C., L.C.A.T., a psychotherapist who practices music therapy with couples. Music engages your limbic brain, or emotional center, and can help you express your feelings, she says. Bonus (maybe): "Music is often a mirror for what's happening in the relationship."

6. TAKE IT ON THE ROAD
Harness all that emotion and physicality and go public at a friendly karaoke gathering. "There's an adrenaline rush that comes with being in front of a crowd," Hinman says. That makes for a great memory, and the thrill can carry over to the bedroom. You can be Marvin Gaye to her Tammi Terrell—try "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," a crowd pleaser that builds to a, well, climax.

share this article to: Facebook Twitter Google+ Linkedin Technorati Digg

Posted by Unknown, Published at 12:34 PM and have 0 comments